he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
