Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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