it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
