you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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