your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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