Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
