Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
