ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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