Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
