did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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