I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
