i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
