got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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