Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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