He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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