It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Come on in and take your pants off
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