I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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