It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
