Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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