I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
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