well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
