It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
