Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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