I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
