my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
