Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
