just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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