So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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