then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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