I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
