New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
