Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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