I'm passing your future prison.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
