I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
