Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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