9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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