you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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