I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
