A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
