If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
