I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
