We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
