So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
