please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ok first of all what the fuck
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
