I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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