So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
