You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
