Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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