"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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