Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
