I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
