I showed him my bush... on skype.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
