I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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