just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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