I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize