Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
