I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
