Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
