Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
