at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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