new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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