You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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