Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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