just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
