they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
