I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
