you turned your livingroom into a bong?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
