this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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