so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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